Nouvelle. The pinioned love bird

You where just standing there, ineradicably long. Looking into my very deep blue eyes, until you at last said: No, I am so sorry. One day you will find that this was the right decision. Then you were going on and off about how much you loved me and wanted me close to you. Not that type of close that I wish you where thinking, but that kind of close that only family is. I wondered for a while if I should lean over and kiss you and ask if you still didn’t feel anything. But it stayed with the thought. The pouring rain was working for me so I could when I left you pretend that the tears never won. I couldn’t stop thinking, how could this be the right decision when we where apart? I never got the answer for that. I kept on putting everything you said and that we had done over the last couple of months on reply in my head. Like a little movie with a bad end. You know one of those movies where you get to hear peoples thoughts but never the once that means the most. The worst part about this was hearing you saying all this while seeing that you meant something different, some that was secret to you that you couldn’t talk about. Why do people say nothing when there really is an important something on the top of their head?
I sat in the stairway for a long time that night. Crying and asking these questions repeatedly. I am almost certain that no pain is greater then the one you feel when you’re rejected by someone you truly love and care about, somebody that you want in your life, and that wants you to be in theirs, but just not on the same level.
We had so much together. I don’t want to loose any part of it. Amazingly after all this pain and trouble that you put me through, I still couldn’t blame you. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t mad. I don’t really think there is a word great enough to describe what I felt at that very moment when you told me. The closest thing must be disappointment; I felt an instant hurt and a rush of pain down my spine and into my heart. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t cry or show emotion because I would never put you through the pain that you would feel if you ever saw me cry.
Meeting the wall like this, how did it feel? I finally know how hard bricks can be. I think I died a little bit back then. Under the open sky with pouring rain down my checks, watching you crushing every little thought I had ever had about me and you having a future together. The entire night that day I sat writing about what happen. Wondering, wishing, hoping, and knowing how you felt or should I say didn’t feel.
Where should I go from here? Should I burry this under black soil and let you go? Should I ignore those words and look upon you as I always had? Should I though it was almost impossible for me keep you in my life on your terms? I don’t know.
All I know and all that I ever knew is that I love you unconditionally.